All Natural Bullshit

I cringe every time I hear some bimbo mommy justifying her stupidity and crap parenting by suggesting that it’s “all natural.” I’m not just talking about breastfeeding “natural” argument, but about a whole slew of other stupid behaviors I’ve heard mommies justify lately with this “natural” bullshit.


  • Co-sleeping – well that’s how the animal kingdom does it!
  • Attachment parenting — holding their baby 24/7 because it’s “natural” and it’s what (some) animals do.
  • Not using birth control — because the animal kingdom doesn’t use birth control and clearly the animal kingdom isn’t overpopulated (apparently they haven’t talked to the overflowing animal shelters recently).
  • Refusing to go back to work after the kids are born – because the animal kingdom doesn’t go off to work and leave the kids – seriously, I heard this excuse lately.
  • Letting their kids run wild – it’s natural to let them be high spirited. The animals don’t tell their kids to sit calmly and quietly all the time!


There was at least one other I was thinking about earlier, but damn if I can’t remember it. I’m sure one of you can help me out.

All right, I’ll play. I love this game! Listen up, folks!

If you want to be ALL NATURAL, here are some more tips on how to be like the animal kingdom:


  • Stop wearing clothes. It’s not natural. Animals don’t do it.
  • Have sex and masturbate in public. It’s the natural, animal kingdom way.
  • No more need for indoor plumbing. Animals shit anywhere and everywhere and you should, too, or you’re not being natural. And lick yourself clean or go swim in a lake rather than waste water on baths or showers. That’s the natural way of things!
  • No more fast food or shopping in grocery stores! Catch your own food and eat it raw. That’s the natural way. I’m pretty sure gardening is out – animals don’t do that.
  • Electricity is out, and that includes the DVD player you set your kids in front of all day, and your computer you play facebook games on – it’s not natural – you won’t see animals in the wild using computers!!
  • Get rid of your cell phone and find other ways to ignore your kids. Animals don’t use them.
  • Get rid of your car. It’s not natural and animals don’t use them. Start getting some fucking exercise!
  • Hell, get rid of your house. Do you see wild animals living in houses? Nope. Houses are not natural. Go live in a cave or burrow underground like the animals do.
  • Go ahead and kill anyone you want and then eat them. This is how it works in the animal kingdom. There are no laws and no prisons, so you can get away with it! It’s the natural order of things!
  • No more modern medicine or fertility treatments. It’s not natural! It’s not the way animals do things!
  • Some animals eat their young. GO FOR IT.
  • Animals don’t feel sorry for themselves, so no more whining, ever. About anything. It’s not natural.


I could go on, but I’m sure you can run with it yourselves.

Honestly, these bimbos don’t seem to realize that as humans, we’re SUPPOSED to be more highly evolved than animals. We’re not supposed to try to emulate animals. The thing is, they don’t want to live like animals – they want all their modern conveniences while using the “animal kingdom” and “all natural” excuses at random to justify whatever they do or don’t feel like doing. You know, like hard, parenting stuff.

I don’t really give a shit if some woman wants to hold her kid 24/7 and have him hanging off her tit the whole time. I think it’s incredibly misogynistic, and I pity her for not realizing that she’s being enslaved by a patriarchal society and culture that is so threatened by women they are brainwashing them to believe they are nothing but receptacles to produce offspring (particularly male offspring) and be chained to that offspring and be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen so they doesn’t get any “uppity ideas” and threaten the men’s freedoms. Yet if she wants to do it, FINE. But a) stop being so desperately insecure that you need to try and justify your crap behavior to anyone and b) find some better way to justify it than “oh, we need to behave more like animals” because that’s pure and utter bullshit!

If you like being a pawn of patriarchy and you don’t want to have to do anything with your life, fine, just say that. If you are just too lazy to discipline your children, why not admit it? No one respects you anyway, so no need to waste time saving face! Just be your silly, insipid little self who can’t handle anything more intellectually challenging than changing a diaper occasionally and shut the fuck up.