Mommies want every day to be about them

I just saw something so stupid I had to stop what I was doing and report it. Please forgive me for watching Lifetime channel, but they play repeats of Frasier in the morning and I’m still amused by that show.

This is what I heard this morning:

This Saturday it’s Lifetime’s “Going into Labor” Day event. Celebrate the holiday and all the mother’s out there!

Apparently some bimbo running Lifetime’s ad department actually believes that Labor Day is the same thing as Mother’s Day because it has the word “labor” in it, and this dipshit thinks “labor” can only mean giving birth. Breeder women won’t be happy until everything is about them, will they? It wouldn’t be so bad if they actually accomplished anything, but they don’t. They just overpopulate the planet, drug their kids up on Ritalin and refuse to make their kids behave because it might “stifle their creativity.” *disgusted sigh*

No, Lifetime Channel, Labor Day has nothing to do with squirting out kids. Traditionally it was meant to be a day to celebrate the people who actually had jobs, although now it’s only really used to remind parents when to send their kids back to school.

Kids For Sale

Here is some mandatory reading for anyone considering having kids! I know he thinks this is funny, but the fact that most of it is true kinda makes it scary: Kids For Sale

Thanks to Childfreedom for sharing the link with me.

Update: And now he’s upset because us evil childfree people are talking about him and don’t we know that parenting is hard?! (But in his next breath he is sure to smugly inform us that it’s harder than anything we’ll ever do. Yea, that old tune again.) He’s in such a snit, you’d think we’d said his kids were ugly!

I bet his next trick will be claiming he’s not at all insecure.

Extra Update: Do not go over there and pick a fight. Just leave it alone. They have a lot more free time on their hands than we do for internet dramaz.

Mommies are insecure, especially while claiming they aren’t

I had a run in with a couple of insecure mommies this week. These gals know a childfree friend of mine, but the term “frenemies” seems to apply here. Normally I wouldn’t dredge out all this drama, but it highlights something I’ve been saying for a while now about angry moms who lash out at the childfree.

My friend (we’ll call her Jane) was having a few issues with some people from high school who had found her on Facebook. I don’t know the specifics but apparently feathers were ruffled all around. (This is why you don’t add people from high school that you haven’t seen or heard from in years to your Facebook accounts! If you haven’t seen or heard from them in umpteen years, there is a good reason — they are not worth knowing!! Let this be a lesson to you all!)

Some of these people got upset with Jane over her childfree views and started staking out the childfree sites she’d post on (like this one) for stuff to use against her and throw back in her face. (And remember that, too, next time some mommy tells you how hard and time consuming motherhood is — how hard could it be if they have time to stalk childfree sites in attempts to harass their “friends”?!)

Jane recently wrote a blog post complaining about some of these problems. What I got out of Jane’s post was that these gals had been sending her emails pretending like they still wanted to be friends and still liked her, but were being condescending to her about her life choices and saying a lot of hurtful things to her. To be fair, I might have misunderstood what Jane was writing, but this was my understanding of her post.

In the comments I did what everyone does in their friends’ journals: I posted a sympathetic comment. Of course I didn’t know the whole story, that’s what friends (unlike frenemies) DO — they lend support to their friends based on their friends version of the story! That’s how friendshipworks.

I meant what I said, which was (paraphrased):

People who play those types of games with the implied (or outright) put-downs in them are insecure. They want you to know they feel sorry for you because they’ve become convinced *you* feel sorry for *them* and they can’t stand it.

Obviously I was talking in generalizations because I don’t know the whole story or the people in question, but *in general* my comment stands.

Both these frenemies of Jane’s started foaming at the mouth over ZOMG YOU CALLED US INSECURE and ZOMG YOU DON’T KNOW ME PHEONA!1!! (Angry mommies *always* misspell my name, even when it’s right in front of them, as if proving THEY can’t spell hurts me somehow. *snicker*) After peppering me with put-downs (thus proving Jane’s side of the story was true) they rattled off their measurements, how much time they spend at the gym and their (almost) advanced college degrees to me to PROVE they have nothing to be insecure about. They insisted that they are wonderful, smart, cute and fit so they can’t possibly be insecure!!!1!!1!

*blink*

Um…. What further proof did I need that they were insecure? They made my case for me.

I never suggested they were awful, stupid, ugly and fat. Unless they think the word “insecure” means “awful, stupid, ugly and fat” in which case, they are, at the very least, stupid. You can be insecure about a lot of things, and it’s not necessarily about your looks or your advanced college degrees (or lack thereof). And for the record, even some of the richest, smartest, prettiest, most successful people in the world are insecure about something. Why do you think there are so many shrinks and plastic surgeons in Hollywood?

These women informed me that of course I’d be infuriated if, as a pet owner, I read that someone else said that all pet owners were “brainless dimwits,” just as they are infuriated that childfree people insist all mothers are “breeders”. These rocket scientists informed me that when we use the word “breeder” we’re really calling them animals.

Interesting theory.

As far as my fury over insults about being a pet owner: I’m a cat owner, and I’ve known people my whole life who have told me, “Did you get rid of your cats yet? Cats are stupid and filthy and I hate them and if you were smart you’d get rid of them.” I have a sister and my husband has a brother who love to insult us about our cats, laugh and tell us about stories they read in the news about cats being harmed, and remind us they’ll never visit us as long as we have cats. Guess what? I’m not furious. In fact, as long as my cats act as relative-repellent, I’m keeping them!!

I’ll bet at least 35% of my regular readers think I’m stupid for having cats, and guess what? I don’t care! You are more than welcome to start a website that says, “Pheona’s stupid because she has cats!” and I would probably laugh my ass off over it! I most certainly would not have to run over to that website and insist I’m NOT stupid and tell you how perfectly wonderful, beautiful, highly educated and rich I am to disprove your theory that I’m stupid. I’m not insecure, I have nothing to prove, and your opinion of me does not change who I am.

I don’t care if you think I’m a 4′ 6″, 700-pound, transvestite Satanist who has so much body hair people mistake me for a Sasquatch or that my face is so ugly it gives small children nightmares and that I’ve got 900 years of bad luck because every mirror I look into breaks. I don’t care if you think I’m a 7th grade drop-out who is incredibly stupid and that I’ve never worked a day in my life because I’m a lazy bum who just milks the welfare system. I don’t care if you think I’m homeless living in a cardboard box behind the food shelter, that I’m a drunken drug addict or that I’m mentally ill and shouldn’t be allowed to vote. I don’t care if you think I’m a convict writing this from behind bars at the maximum security prison. I don’t care if you think I’m a bitter, barren shrew who wanted to adopt but was rejected and now I only write this website because I’m just jealous other people can get pregnant or adopt.

I KNOW what I am. I know the great things about me and I know the shitty things about me. I think I’m more self-aware than most people, and perhaps that’s why I’m notinsecure. NOTHING you can say or think about me makes me any more or less than what I already am.

So if I’m stupid, you saying I’m stupid doesn’t make me MORE stupid. But if I’m not stupid, you saying I’m stupid doesn’t make me any less smart! Get it? I have no need to argue with you about whether or not I’m stupid because… I’m not insecure about your opinion of me.

My saying you’re a breeder or insecure doesn’t make you any more or less of a breeder or an insecure twit than you already are.

Since the two of you (I know you’re reading this, even though you claim you “so over” me (“When were you under me?”)) are supposedly raising kids (I know you have them, I just don’t know if you actually have time for them, what with all this internet drama you create, stroking your own egos, all the time you claim to spend at the gym, in college classes and supposedly working full-time, too), you’d better fucking learn that bolded part above so you can, hopefully, someday teach it to your kids so that when they grow up, they won’t have to play these stupid, childish games.

For the record, going around telling everyone that this and every other site says that ALL women with children are hopeless, moronic breeders doesn’t make it true by a long shot. You can keep saying it, but people smarter than you will actually come here (and other sites) to verify your claims and see you are lying. Oh, and insecure.

Mommies Buy Useless Crap

This is probably the dumbest thing I’ve heard of in a while and yet mommies are ga-ga over it. It’s The Shandle. No wonder people with kids are broke – they’ll buy anythingthat other mommies tell them is the “in” thing to buy, no matter how useless. (Admittedly this is a cheap piece of shit at $7 each, but I’d bet they’d still buy it if it was $100 a pop, as long as they thought it would make them look like “good” mommies.)

What is the Shandle, you ask? It’s some useless piece of plastic you stick to the toilet seat to help kids lift and lower the toilet seat without touching the “icky” toilet. As a bonus, it reminds them to wash their hands and gives them a cartoon to look at while urinating. That’s all it does.

So let me get this straight: these gals think their kids will die from germs if they touch the toilet? These people are unable to teach their kids to wash their hands so they need a piece of plastic to do it for them? (Well, maybe the piece of plastic can babysit the kids while mommy goes bar hopping, too!) And if the whole point is to teach the kids to wash their hands after using the toilet, does it really matter if they touch the “icky” toilet seat or not since they’ll be washing their hands right afterward? Couldn’t a home-made sign on the door or above the toilet remind the kids just as easily (and more cheaply)?

I really do not understand these germaphobes. I swear, a germ or two will not kill you! I’m not saying everyone should be licking toilet seats or anything like that, but humans have survived thus far without needing cutesy handles to survive to the next generation! I guarantee you there are kids out there who have touched a toilet seat, then put their hands in their mouths and lived to tell about it! I swear!

The feel-good crap like this is so ridiculous.

Think about this for a minute: Kids (and even some adults) miss and piss on the toilet seats. What’s to say they won’t miss and the piss gets on the Shandle, too?

“But, but, but… the Shandle is made of some antimircobial stuff! It repels germs!” is the mommy rallying cry. Well, here’s an idea. if this antimicrobial stuff is so awesome and lifesaving, why not just get a toilet seat made out of it? That might actually make some sense. But mommies won’t recommend antimicrobial toilet seats to each other because those toilet seats don’t come with cartoon characters printed on them!! DUH!

As for product reviews, one mommy says, “The Shandle is a neat little product! It’s so simple that it makes you wish you had thought of it yourself!” Seriously? It’s a piece of junk! The only reason someone might wish they’d thought of it was for the money they’d make off of dumb women who will buy anything if it’s marketed for kids!

My favorite design is this one:

If you have an overweight daughter or wife, this is the perfect gift! You can make sure she washes her hands and remind her of her weight issues every time she goes to the bathroom. BRILLIANT!!

Even more amusing is that they make some “decorative” ones for adults without the cutesy, “don’t forget to wash your hands after you pee!” sayings on them for all the adult germaphobes who think they need to avoid touching toilet seats, too.

Hey, but more power to the mommy who invented this to make money off the backs of all her peers. I’m sure she’s laughing all the way to the bank over all the suckers out there. Bravo! Job well done!

Woot! Hate Mail!

That Daddy Blogger that I linked to last week and his people are still not over it (*eyeroll*) so now I got this trolling email. Which is fine but it’s such obvious trolls it takes all the fun out of it. I just wish I could get some GOOD hate mail. It’s been slow around here lately and it makes me sad.

The email itself is clearly an obvious troll, but even before I got to that, I knew it was a troll. This rocket scientist set up his email headers to say his name is “Pete Jergen” but when writing emails, he forgets all about this, so instead he signs his email as “Chris M.” Okay Pete AKA Chris. And I LOVE the M at the end – you know, he has to distinguish himself from all the other Chris’s writing to me in that email, right? I mean, if you don’t want to use your last name, don’t. But what does the “M.” prove? It’s not like this is Facebook where you are required to put in a last name or at least a last initial!

I debated on if I should post it here. On one hand, maybe it’ll discourage hate mail. On the other hand, the stuff in this email so basic, I could answer it in my sleep. I’m kind of sick of answering these whiny points, so maybe it will discourage people from sending me these whiny points again.

My name is Chris and I hope you are well. I am writting to you today to just get a little more input on this subject which I am sorry to say was unaware even existed. I was visiting my family this weekend and in speaking with my sister, introduced me to a website which made a joking article about having Children For Sale. It was just a harmless shot made by a father or ‘Duhdee” about his children working his nerves and went on to joke about it. Afterwards a whole community of angry Childless idiots began to spew a rancid assault on the father, duhdee or breeder.

All I wrote was a “harmless shot” about how Daddy Blogger was highlighting all the reasons not to have kids. Do you actually think that’s “spewing a rancid assault”? You need to get out more.

Side Note: I don’t even use the word “Duhdee” and it’s not on my Lingo List, so obviously this is someone who has been around this whole debate a lot longer than 24 hours to be so familiar with all the childfree lingo and sayings. Who even uses “Duhdee” anymore? Also, intentionally using the term “childless” is another clue — he must have known we don’t like that term and used it to stir the pot. *yawn*

Again, I never even knew such a community even existed. I guess the frightening thing about it is the actual hatred in their tones and sincere lack of basic human compassion towards another person.

Wait a minute… Didn’t you just call us “childless idiots”? And doesn’t that show “sincere lack of basic human compassion towards another person”? Or are you saying it’s okay to do that if you don’t like what the person is saying and in that case, wouldn’t it be appropriate for us to do the same?

More importantly, if whatever you’re griping about it something someone else said to your friend the Daddy Blogger, you’ll have to get with them to discuss the hatred in their tones. I can guarantee you I didn’t comment on his site.

I asked my readers not to go over there and stir the pot. If they did, that’s their problem, not mine. I’ll admit, I probably should have used better judgment and not linked to his site, knowing some people here would not behave, but I was being optimistic. Still, it’s my understanding that he linked back here and tried to sic his readers on me, too, so… I guess we’ll call it even this time.

Regardless, without actual examples of what was said, I can’t comment on any of this “hatred”, and I have to assume you are just over-reacting. It was my understanding that Daddy Blogger was flinging a fair number of insults and put-downs at childfree people, too (after all, this IS the guy who flew off the handle because we LINKED to him – and neither I nor the other blogger said anything nasty about him), so I’m shocked (not really) you are so blind you think this whole “flame war” (if it even is a flame war) is so completely one sided!

After scouring your website I can see the same undertones. Your slang, goals and rants are truly amazing to me.

Pete/Chris obviously didn’t read this site, especially since he’s outraged at my… goals? What in my list of goals was so horrible? Did I say kill all the children? Forced sterilizations? Making parents pay thousands in extra taxes every year to make up for their sin of reproducing? No. My goals are made up of: Reproductive Freedom, Workplace Equality, Discrimination Protection, Social Acceptance and Societal Obligations. HOW DARE I SUGGEST SUCH HORRIBLE THINGS!

And complaining about my rants? Let’s see, most recently I laughed that the Daddy Blogger’s list of “funny” things about having kid was actually kind of scary. OMG, CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD. THAT KIND OF HATRED IS UNACCEPTABLE! I mocked that mommies are buying “The Shandle” (something my friend Sarah dubbed the “Shit Handle” – good one Sarah!), and I laughed at a couple of insecure mommies who made fools of themselves online. Wow, awful stuff!! And don’t forget to check out this collection of “proof” of how I’m such a horrible child hater!

I cannot differentiate the difference between calling someone a breeder or a moo versus a racial or religious slur.

God, white breeders the absolute worst!! They honestly have NO idea what racism is about, and they diminish it every chance they get. Do they really see Michael Jackson on TV and think, “You know, skin color is a choice! All those black people who are still black? That’s just because they want to be!”

Here’s the difference:

** I can’t change my skin color – tanning aside (which is stupid) or millions of dollars, strange experimental treatments and severe psychosis like MJ had, I’m stuck with it. I didn’t get a choice in my skin color.

** I can choose if I want children or not. If I choose to have them, I really don’t have much right to complain about all the lack of sleep and sex that comes along with them. That’s a given that everyone knows about ahead of time! Meanwhile, I could always give the kids up if I didn’t like them anymore. Children are a choice unlike things like skin color and ethnicity.

** When people complain about “breeders” we’ve always made it clear we’re talking about their BEHAVIOR, not even the very fact that they have kids. You can CHOOSE your behavior and you can CHOOSE your actions. If you’re going to be a shitty parent, you better get used to people bitching about it because more and more people are getting sick of your lazy, crap-ass parenting.

** Someone refusing to hire someone because he’s black and keeping him from making a living, or savagely beating him up because he’s a different race is NOT the same thing as someone on the internet saying, “Damn, that women is a breeder! That poor kid, stuck with such a shitty parent!” Got it?

Now STFU about the whole “you childfree people are just like racists when you criticize my shitty parenting skills!” It just makes you all look like the fucking morons that you are. And proves you make shitty parents with such poor reasoning skills. If that’s the kind of things you teach your kids, you know they are going to grow up to be morons too!

I am in no way shape or form judging you but I am very curious as to where the passion for such a harmless topic is coming from. Up until 24 hours ago, I did not even know there was acutally people out there that cared to even think about this topic much less actively pour hate towards other people over it.

What passion? I said your friend the DaddyBlogger’s list was scary because it’s true. That was the end of it. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill, dude!

I was hoping you could help me understand the ideaology behind your beliefs on this.

Read my website. For real this time – don’t just pretend like you read it and make up what you THINK it says.

Personally, I have led a modestly privledged life and of EVERY single great thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life absolutely nothing has ever compared to the birth of my son who is now 15 months. Without question, it has been the best 24 months of my life (from pregnancy to present). Please let me know your thoughts. Again, I would never judge you or think ill of you as you clearly do towards others. Again, I hope all is well and look forward to hearing from you.

I LOVE how people with kids who can’t stand that we don’t have the same burden always have to throw in our faces, “Nothing in my life meant anything until I had a son!” (And it’s usually the son they are most proud of, as if girls are really only the runner-up-prize for folks like this.) What they are really saying is, “Nothing you’re doing with your life has any importance or purpose. Sure, you might think, right now, that whatever you’ve done was impressive and you’re proud of it, but I felt the exact same way until I had a child. And you’ll never realize how empty your lives are until you have a kid, and if you don’t, well, your life will always be empty and meaningless even if you don’t see it that way. Poor you.” Basically, they say that statement as a put down. And what did I say about put downs recently? They are so afraid that we think they are missing out they quickly have to insist they are NOT missing out and, in fact, WE are the ones missing out. Insecurity anyone?

So, Pete/Chris, thanks for playing, but try harder next time. Here’s some tips:

** Pick one name and stick with it. Looks less troll-y.

** If you are responding to a flame war, don’t pretend like it was totally one-sided. They never are.

** If you are responding to a flame war, respond to someone who was actually doing some flaming.

** If you are going to complain about the “undertones” of my site, please have actually read it first, and don’t complain about the benign stuff like the goals. Use specific examples, too. This way I don’t have to guess about the one line you took out of context to formulate your argument.

** Drop the racism argument. It makes you look stupid.

** Don’t whine about religion here because you’ll get no sympathy from me, since I believe religion = the biggest hate group there is. Religion is ALL about separating people, highlighting their differences and keeping them apart, not uniting them (Especially Christianity – how many freakin’ denominations does one religion need? The fuckers can’t even stand each other!!!).

Thank you, try again.

Looking for NaNoWriMo writing buddies?

Slightly off topic, but anyone NaNoWriMo-ing this year?

Some of you may not have heard of NaNoWriMo. It’s a project to get amateur writers who claim “someday I’m going to write a novel” to start writing one. You start a fresh novel idea November 1st and the goal is to reach 50,000 words by the end of the month — about 1700 words a day. To give you an idea of how many words 1700 is, it’s not quite three pages in MS Word (single spaced). NaNoWriMo is on the honor system, so you can cheat if you want, but what’s the point? All you get is a certificate. The real reward is the sense of accomplishment you get from actually finishing.

A friend and I got to talking about how difficult it was to find NaNoWriMo buddies who weren’t teenagers or stay-at-home moms. Teens can be, well, teens, and SAHMommy writing buddies are likely to spend a lot of time making kid-related excuses and getting annoyed if you get too far ahead and making snippy comments like, “Well, it’s EASY if you don’t have a FAMILY. ” *eyeroll* That’s why I prefer to steer clear of them, and perhaps you do, too.

So I agreed to set up a thread here where people who might be looking for writing buddies can match up. Post a link to your NaNoWriMo profile, a little about the genre you write, perhaps your age group, state or country you live in, perhaps other hobbies/interests, etc. – whatever you think might help you find a writing buddy that you might have something in common with.

And for all you NaNoWriMo-ers out there, good luck!