New Rules for Schools

Note for Non-Americans: I don’t know about your country’s educational system and, don’t take this the wrong way but, frankly I don’t care. No matter how perfect your country and your country’s school system are, it’s not doing me much good to rub my nose in it. So for today we’re going to talk about the United States school system.

Note for Uptight People with No Senses of Humor: I’m just having fun here. No one would ever actually implement my ideas in a million years so unpucker your assholes and stop fretting about it. I just thought this would be some fun hypotheticals to play with. Relax and enjoy or just roll your eyes and go read dooce or something.

I know everyone is mad at me for not posting much the last few months. I’ve been preoccupied with real-life hassles, novel projects and watching too much (American) political news that is, for the most part, frustrating as hell. I apologize for being neglectful and rather cranky lately.

Without getting too political, I want to talk about my ideas of how to solve the school budget problems. Listen up, these are good!

Idea #1: Governors, don’t cut your school budget by a billion dollars so you can give that money to your cronies! Voters, don’t vote for governors who cut the school budget so they can give kickbacks to their wealthy, corporate friends!

Idea #2: No more public schools. None. I figure in the scheme of things, we should have free universal health care before free public schools. Take money from school budgets and put it into a new, public health care system. After all, clearly people CAN homeschool (I’m not saying they do it well, but they CAN do it) yet few people can give their child or spouse an appendectomy from home. I could try, but I think my husband might not be too pleased with the results.

I know, I know! You’re all crying, “But we don’t want an uneducated populace!” I have news for you. We DO have an uneducated populace. The only difference is: we’re payingfor them to be uneducated. Today’s high school graduates are functionally illiterate! We’re paying for a ridiculously overpriced pizza that never gets delivered!!

But fine: Have a whiney-ass tantrum and say we can’t do away with schools because not all parents want to homeschool; it might cut into their time club hopping. Okay, fine. I have a backup plan that is even more genius.

Idea #3: Get rid of public schools. Not public education, just the school buildings. Or at least most of them. Think about how much could be saved every year if we shut down the majority of the school buildings! We could save all the maintenance, landscaping and janitorial costs, the electricity, water, heat, and air conditioning costs, and think of all the savings on the bus program, especially now that gas is so damned expensive! Yes, I do feel bad for the people who lose their jobs (such as janitors and bus drivers), but think of how much money is wasted in those areas alone?

My alternative to school buildings is distance learning like they do in many colleges. Have the kids log in and do their coursework online. They can log in to chat for tutoring. They can have instructional videos to teach them and maybe even video conferencing on certain dates and times. True, the school system might have to provide all students with laptops or iPads/tablets (and the data plan) for this to work. While I’m no economist, I’m fairly certain that is still cheaper than what we’re doing now.

Yes, we’d still need a few buildings for various things, such as administration and testing (the way I figure it, students might have to come in one or two half-days a month for testing, and they could stagger the blocks of students that come in so they wouldn’t all come in on the same day), but we’d need far fewer school buildings, thus saving us a lot of money.

(Locally they want to build yet another new school and can you tell I’m bitter about having to pay for it? I’m not the one irresponsibly breeding, creating the over-crowding problem in schools! I’m actually SAVING them money by NOT putting more kids into the system – I deserve a refund!! But that’s a rant for another day.)

This plan would put more of the burden on parents for their children’s education, which is where it belongs anyway. The single biggest problem (outside of budgets) facing schools is parents. Either parents who don’t want to be involved and don’t give a shit if their kid is failing OR the parents who think their child is super-special and should automatically be given As for everything (even if the A is terribly undeserved), they think their kid shouldn’t be given too much homework, they don’t like what is being taught or try to dictate what is being taught, or any other ridiculous complaints that hinder the educational process.

With my plan, parents wouldn’t exactly have to teach the kids (that’s what the online courses would be for), but they would have to monitor the children to see if they are doing their homework and keeping up, they would be responsible for focusing on any areas their children might be having problems with and bring it to the teacher’s attention or arrange for enrollment in a tutoring program. But from now on, if their child “fell through the cracks” it would be because they weren’t paying enough attention. No more blaming everyone else for that.

Yes, I know some parents have jobs and think they are too busy to do this, but how many hours a day would it take to review their children’s homework progress? It’s not an eight-hour job and it’s something they should be doing anyway!

Bonuses of this idea: no more complaining the school cafeterias serving crappy lunches, complaining about the cost of school clothes or supplies, no more demanding prayer and the ten commandments be in the schools, etc.

Even better bonus: There would be a wider range of elective courses for kids to take, since they wouldn’t necessarily be limited to just the classes offered at the local high school. Maybe a student wants to learn Russian — I’m sure we could find a Russian class being taught somewhere in the U.S. for them to enroll in.

There are three valid drawbacks I see to this plan:

Drawback 1: What are we going to do about kids who constantly break, lose, sell, etc. their free laptops/iPads? Many kids today are just plain irresponsible and destroy everything you hand them because they just don’t give a shit. It could get horribly expensive if the school needs to continually replace these items. I suppose we could say each kid is allowed one replacement item every two or three years, and if they continue to destroy/lose the equipment, they will just have to start handwriting all their assignments and mail them in like Netflix. How does that sound?

(If the item was defective or needing routine repairs, that wouldn’t count against their one replacement item.)

Drawback 2: A bigger problem I see with this option is that there would be a socialization problem. I know lots of people hated everyone they ever went to school with would think that never having to go to school and interact with anyone else is grand, but it really IS a problem. As much as pro-homeschoolers try to claim their kids are perfect geniuses who have perfect social skills… I’ve never met those kids. The homeschooled kids I’ve met were socially awkward or absolute narcissists who believed the world revolved around them. If we don’t send kids to school, they will miss out on a lot of social lessons. Here is an abbreviated list of things kids learn from school socialization:


  • that the world doesn’t entirely revolve around them
  • that not everyone they meet is going to be someone they like or who likes them, and that’s okay
  • socially acceptable behavior (bathe occasionally, chew with your mouth closed, etc)
  • a sense of humor (one homeschool kid I met seriously had no sense of humor, didn’t understand sarcasm, etc. It was painful to have a conversation with her because she took everything oh-so-seriously)
  • how to interact with their peers, to overcome shyness and fear of rejection
  • being exposed to other ideas than the ones their learn at home (especially a problem for religiously homeschooled kids who often don’t meet anyone outside their church group)
  • tolerance for groups other than their own.


This lack of socialization problem a big drawback. Sure, if we went to distance-learning for children, they might still socialize with other kids in their church group, ballet class, soccer practice, etc. but not all of them will, and even the ones who do might be missing a lot of that “being exposed to other ideas” part.

Drawback 2: Some kids come from bad home environments, and they really need to go to school to get away from that. However, maybe these children just need to be removed from those environments altogether.

Other criticisms I’ll hear, but might not be as valid:

Criticism 1 – Kids will no longer get free meals! The free meal program has always pissed me off because it’s unduly punishing the taxpayer and responsible parents and gives a benefits to irresponsible parents who would rather spend their money on booze and cigarettes than feed their children. Yes, I understand that the kids get punished if the rest of us refuse to cough up the dough to feed them, but isn’t there a better solution? Why is it that the parents of these kids with free lunches always have fancier cell phones than I do? And every video gaming system known to man? How do those kids survive to even be school aged if their parents never feed them?

I’m just rather tired of society constantly giving parents a free pass on everything. No one can criticize them for having children they can’t afford. No one can criticize parents who don’t feed their kids. No one can criticize parents who refuse to discipline their children. It’s got to stop. Maybe if we held parents to a higher standard, future generations would be far better off.

Criticism 2 – No more free daycare. Most parents today use schools as glorified day care centers. Well, too bad! Society does not owe them free day care. Taxpayers should not pay higher taxes for the sole reason that parents want their kids to be someone else’s problem eight hours a day.

It’s not that I don’t feel for working parents, but we still shouldn’t have to pay for their (very expensive) daycare. I have no sympathy for the unemployed mothers who look forward to the end of summer vacation so they don’t have to watch their own kids all day.

There are several solutions to this problem, but we’ll leave that to the parents to figure out. One idea off the top of my head is churches. Obviously this wouldn’t work so well for atheist kids, but most religious people have some sort of church building. These buildings sit around empty most of the week. Why don’t the churches sponsor school-aged day care for their parishioners? Yes, one could argue that those kids will be getting brainwashed while being educated, but if the parents already attend that church, apparently they are fine with the brainwashing. They wouldn’t need to employ teachers, just someone to supervise the kids, make sure they are doing their work and keep them from burning down the joint.

Another idea: It takes a village, right? So reach out to the village: friends, neighbors and relatives could watch your kids while they sit around doing their homework. There are plenty of unemployed mothers today. Of course, they generally don’t want to watch their own kids, let alone others, but maybe they need to grow up. It’s not like these are infants who need to be fed, burped, and diapered all day long. You just have to sit the kid down to do his lessons and make sure he doesn’t Darwinize himself for a few hours.

Mostly this no-free-daycare problem shouldn’t be a problem for long. I probably wouldn’t leave five, six or seven-year-olds alone all day, but once a kid gets to be about eight or nine, they should be able to stay home alone without burning down the joint or letting a child molester in. In my day, by third grade kids could stay home alone if they were sick. Of course, in my day, children might have been more mature and responsible, too. If kids turn out to be too immature and irresponsible to leave at home, it’s the parent’s fault for raising them that way. Anyway, eventually, when the older kids are old enough, they can at least supervise the younger siblings and keep them from burning down the joint and letting molesters in.

Criticism 3 – Kids not doing homework while home alone, but rather playing games and/or watching TV all day. Well, it’s good training to be an unemployed parent some day! Seriously, though, parents CAN set parental controls on the TV/DVR, they can lock up the video game systems or not have them at all, or whatever else needs to be done to keep the kids from being too distracted. Or they can arrange for someone else to watch the kids during the day if they really think the kids need supervision. As long as tax payers don’t have to pay for it.

Criticism 4 – Some parents will complain that they don’t want the responsibility of making sure their kids are doing well in school. Too bad! Don’t have kids if you don’t want responsibility!

Criticism 5 I realize a lot of people are going to complain about child welfare and how a system like this is ripe for parents to abuse their kids by neglecting their education, not feeding them, and no teacher involved to witness signs of physical abuse, among other things. That’s a good point. Although, it’s not that much different from a homeschool child now. No one knows if children who are getting homeschooled are getting fed, if they are being physically abused or even if they are getting a decent education, either. (I know homeschooling advocates love to claim homeschooled kids are 900x smarter and better educated than public school kids, but you have not heard the horror stories I’ve heard! One whack job relative told me their “homeschooling curriculum” for that semester was history (only history, nothing else) and that their text books were (I shit you not) Janette Oke books. There is no way those kids got a real education! Since those kids only got into non-accredited bible colleges, I’m going to assume that is true.)

Fine, this might be a valid point, but perhaps the money we are saving from paying for all the school buildings and buses, we could pour into improving and possibly expanding the Child Protective Services program to monitor such issues.

While this plan has absolutely ZERO or close chance of being implemented, why don’t we discuss it just for fun. What else should we consider. Go ahead and disagree and propose alternatives; I expect you to comment with all the holes in my theory or come up with better ideas! After all, I’m not too bright and I’ve only spent one day working on this theory. Argue amongst yourselves what may or may not work. But again, it’s NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, so just playwith the idea. Might be fun.

BONUS IDEA: How about we implement a new system that says parents only get the child-tax credit on their tax refunds if their kids get good grades in school (B average or higher). No reason to reward them for not doing their job!

About Phoena

I’m a mediocre, 30-something, childfree woman. I’m overopinionated and say a lot of things that offend other people. Sometimes I even say things JUST to offend other people. As long as I’m at it, I might as well have some fun along the way, right?

The only interesting thing about me is that I run a childfree website that a lot of people take way more seriously than I do.

Here’s all you really need to know about me: I’m a pretty laid-back person. I live my life to have fun and have a lot of laughs. I would also like to live in a world where people are polite and considerate of others and take responsibility for themselves, their children and their own actions. That’s all – I’m not asking that much! If you see something I wrote here that you find personally upsetting, it’s probably because I called you out on your irresponsibility and excuse making.

Nowhere on this site do I say I that ALL parents or ALL kids are bad. If someone told you that, they are lying. Before you accuse me of something, find proof that I said it.

About this Site

Dos and Don’ts about this website and this journal specifically:

Don’t expect this site to be all politically correct. If you are some easily-offended cry-baby who is going to think things I say are too harsh, this isn’t the journal for you. Go hang out on the playground and leave this site to the grown-ups. Thank you!

Don’t take anything I write too seriously. I sure as fuck don’t. At worst, it’s my actual opinion which means exactly jack shit in the grand scheme of things. At best, I’m joking, embellishing and generally being sarcastic because it amuses me. Sometimes I even throw in little barbs (like about “band geeks”) just to tease people, but I’m not really serious. I’m just having some fun. So either way, getting worked up over anything I write makes you look pretty damn silly and I’ll mock you for it.

Do become a fan of Happily Childfree on Facebook if you use Facebook. Not because I’m desperate for fans or anything, but because sometimes I post links or updates there that I don’t post here, just because it’s easier, and I don’t want you to miss out. Also, you’ll be notified of blog updates right in your Facebook feed.

Don’t claim that breeders (or whatever other group you want to defend) is just as persecuted as African Americans or that any insulting word is just as bad as the N-word. This will piss me off. Calling someone out on their BEHAVIOR is not the same as insulting someone based on their skin color and enslaving them for hundreds of years and then lynching them for the next hundred, m’kay? Seriously, don’t be so fucking stupid.

Don’t expect me to post as much new content here as most bloggers do. You’ll be lucky to hear from me once a month. I just don’t seem to have the time, partially due to my incredibly poor time management skills.

Don’t ask me to add some code to let people subscribe to comments. I’ve decided against that for now. I’ve heard that can cause some issues (like AOL addresses bouncing and causing problems). I don’t even get that many comments, anyway, so I don’t think it’s worth it. I’m sure there is a way to subscribe to the RSS comments feed, but I’m not telling. The last thing I need is some angry breeder woman subscribing to every thread and coming to argue with anyone who comments.

Do post a comment if you’d like. I may actually respond to your comment, although I probably won’t — again, poor time management skills.

Do email me if you want a personal reply. My email address is easy to guess. I’ll give you a hint. My name is Phoena (careful of the spelling) and this site is called If you can’t figure it out from that, I give up! I might take a couple of weeks to reply (I usually like to answer a bunch of feedback all at once) so don’t give up on me!

How Do I Get On Your “Blogs I Read” list?

I add people to that list whose blogs I actually read. If you want to recommend a blog to me, I’ll check it out, but if I don’t see it as the kind of blog I’d read regularly, I won’t add it to this list. But if it’s a blog written by a childfree person, even if it’s not about childfree topics, I will contact the owner (if it’s not you) and see if they would like to be added to the list I have here.

How Do I Get Off Your “Blogs I Read” list?

Just email me and say you would prefer not to be on that list. I can imagine not everyone wants traffic from this site!

The Rules

Here are the rules for everyone. Break the rules, and I may delete your post(s) or worse. I hate censorship and I don’t like deleting comments, but I also hate the journal being clogged up with the following bullshit:

  1. I’m opening up comments again so you don’t have to be a registered user to comment. If you want to reserve your favorite username, though, you should still register. I will leave comments open as long as I’m not getting tons of spam or trolls.
  2. You may reply to older posts, no matter how old they are. I don’t have a problem with that. Enjoy!
  3. If you want to post, you must be over 18 years old, as I don’t want some mommy bitching to me about corrupting her baby. I don’t have a way to verify it, but if I find out you’re under 18, I’ll ban you.
  4. Reply to the rant you are commenting to. This means, don’t reply about mommies making bad friends in the thread about mother’s day. Use some common sense! This is a pet peeve of mine because if you comment about things no one else in that thread is talking about it not only leads the thread astray, but it makes it look like I deleted some comment prior to yours that you were responding to.
  5. Be friendly with each other. You’re allowed to disagree and debate, but don’t stoop to name calling or insults. I don’t want to have to moderate a fight between people who should be grown adults. Clarification of this rule: You can use insulting WORDS (such as: “I hate it when assholes (do whatever)”, but don’t reply to another poster and call them an asshole. Got it? Meanwhile, you can call ME any name you like, just make it good. I need some new descriptive words to describe myself.
  6. Don’t even joke about violence against kids. Even if we all know you’re joking, I’m the one who ends up having to field all the complaints from crybaby mommies telling me my site is evil for organizing plans to kill children. I don’t need that crap.
  7. If you are semi-illiterate and can’t manage to form complete sentences, don’t bother posting here. I have no patience for this teen-lingo crap and it gives me a headache trying to figure out what is being written. If you are so dumb you need an example of what I won’t tolerate, it’s this shit: “hy my naim is Kait I m dum I dint finsh th 3nd graid.” I don’t have time for that bullshit.
  8. Don’t put links in your comment. If you do, the spam zapper might think it’s spam and it won’t get through. If the spam zapper misses it, I’ve been known to have a trigger finger and delete comments with links in them before I realized they weren’t spam. Oops.
  9. In case you missed that last rule, let me be even more specific: DO NOT link to mommy bloggers or mommy message boards. If you do, someone will run and tattle to them, and then they’ll all come back here and claim we’re harassing them and it becomes a whole mess. Mommy bloggers have nothing better to do all day than to have internet flame wars because they don’t have jobs. We really don’t want them spending 18 hours a day trolling our websites, okay?
  10. Don’t expect me to answer all the comments. I have poor time management skills and the people who send me emails are lucky to get answers. I might occasionally answer comments here, but most of the time I don’t get around to it. Sorry!
  11. I do allow parents to post here. Some of them are my friends. I appreciate a parent’s perspective occasionally. Don’t get too pissy at the parents unless they are being assholes.
  12. New Rule (October 2009): This is a personal pet peeve of mine. Since such a large portion of the general public now claims to be autistic or otherwise mentally ill and/or have autistic or mentally ill children, it’s no longer “special”. It’s now NORMAL. So I don’t want to hear it anymore. I don’t care if you or your kid is “special needs” — so is everyone else and their kids, it seems. So make your point without using the excuses and sympathy cards, m’kay? (It’s like the idiots who live in a military town and plaster their cars with “I’m an Iraqi Freedom Veteran” stickers. No shit, so is everyone else in town! You’re not special!!)

Additional rules for parents and wannabreeders:

  1. The above rules apply to you as well.
  2. If you act like a troll, your posts will be deleted. I don’t have time for trolls. Troll posts are pointless posts just to flame, especially if you make repeated posts just to flame, then come back a few hours later and make more pointless posts to flame. If you want to discuss, play nice and we might discuss issues. If you just want to hurl insults, save it for your spouse and/or kids. And don’t act all holier-than-thou about how I’m a bitch daring to delete troll posts — I’ve allowed far more dissenting opinions here than you mommies would on your boards or blogs. You certainly wouldn’t let me join on your boards and flame you, so just be glad that, unlike you, I allow contrary opinions here at all.
  3. Don’t harass my regular readers. They belong here, you don’t.
  4. If you start accusing me of saying stuff I didn’t say on my site, I’ll delete your post(s). Actually READ the site instead of taking the word of your bimbo friends. Yes, I know some teen mommy from Xanga told all three of her friends that my site said that breastfeeding should be illegal and asked them to harass me and tell their friends to harass me. But that Xanga mommy a liar, and you won’t find what she claims I said anywhere on my site. If you and your friends are going to lie about what my site says, I’ll just delete your posts, because there is no point to try and discuss anything with a bunch of idiots who didn’t even read my site.
  5. I don’t encourage parents to post, but if you do, don’t bring up your childed status or your children unless it’s really relevant to your point. Posts like, “As a parent, I think…” are annoying. Just tell us what you think and leave your reproductive status out of it. You are allowed to have opinions whether or not you have children, you know!
  6. For the love of all that is holy, do not identify yourself as a parent in your user name. If you have no identity outside of your kids, you’re the exact kind of person we don’t want posting here. We will mock you. It’s pathetic when even you think your only accomplishment in life is spreading your legs.
  7. Do not use this site as an excuse to neglect your kids. If we want to spend all day hanging out here, what’s the difference? If you spend all day here, you’re a bad parent. Why have kids if you’d rather spend time with the childfree than your kids?

Rules updated: May 18, 2008

Paging Maury Pauvich

From PostSecret:

In case you have trouble reading the photo, it says:

One of these men is the father of the most amazing little girl in the world. He’s never met her, he never will. He probably can’t even remember my name.

Maybe, just maybe, if you didn’t sleep with seven different guys in the same week, perhaps you’d know which of these men was the baby-daddy and maybe the baby-daddy would know your name and know his most amazing little girl in the world! Sounds like the amazing little girl is getting cheated out of a relationship with her amazing father, since apparently she got her amazingness from someone, and I don’t suppose it’s from her professional mattress-back of a mother!

This post card is the perfect advertisement for that Norplant dart gun I suggested a while back!

(Yea, I know, I know. It’s a fake secret — some lame harry-potter-wannabee just WISHES she could get someone famous to fuck her. But I couldn’t resist mocking it anyway, since there are women who have these types of problems! And I found it amusing.)

New Baby Is Just Not Enough

I absolutely cannot understand the instant gratification and never-satisfied attitudes of the current generation coming of age. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised — they are the same kids I have been complaining about for 15 years and they’ve grown into the very overgrown, spoiled brats I thought they would become. Still, I’d been holding out hope all along that I was wrong.

I’ve seen these kids open up their Christmas presents, getting all the loot they had demanded – a new xbox with all the accessories, $200 worth of games, a brand new cell phone with all the latest bells and whistles, and the newest, greatest iPod on the market – only to turn around 20 minutes later and whine, “Can we go shopping? I’m bored and I need new stuff.” I would be thinking, “Wait, you haven’t even finished playing with $1000 worth of loot you JUST got. How can you already be wanting something new?” Yet this is the prevailing attitude of this generation. “Give me what I want, when I want it and I’ll be bored with it right away, but so what? That’s my right!!

As if that isn’t bad enough, I’m seeing this trend of boredom with their own children. I’ve seen this a fair amount lately and it blows my mind: They will have a baby, and when it is just a few months old, they are already whining about how they need a NEW baby. Apparently this one they have isn’t good enough.

I suppose I could maybe understand if the child is now three years old and the mommy is missing the newborn stage and thinks it’s time for a second baby. Fine, I suppose I can see that happening. But what the fuck is wrong with these gals who look down at their newborn infant and say, “Eh, you’re not entertaining me enough. I’m ready for a new one already“?!!?!

To these parents I say: If the current newborn in your arms is not filling the hole inside you, here’s a clue: You need to find some other way to fill that hole! Don’t keep creating human beings trying to fix some mess going on in your head. Besides, if the first baby leaves you feeling empty, then maybe you’re just fucking empty. Another kid ain’t gonna fix it.

Dr Phil is a quack, but I love when he says, “No child should come into this world with a job,” he’s absolutely right. We’re all PEOPLE not just toys for some bimbo to use to entertain herself, to get sympathy, attention and to give her an excuse to not work or get an education or do anything with her life. If her entire life’s purpose is to create people as some kind of sick “get out of work free” card, someone needs to spay her like they would any other dumb animal in heat who pointlessly reproduces!

Honestly, I cannot understood these people who want more than two kids. I’m open minded enough to understand why some people might enjoy parenthood. I can sort of comprehend wanting a couple of kids. After that, what is going on in their heads? Are they thinking each additional kid will finally be the one they’ve been “shooting” for? What is wrong with the kids they already have that they can’t be satisfied with them? What do they think the third (or fourth, or eight or twentieth) kid will magically give them that they couldn’t find in the others?

But clearly, there is something not right about someone who sees their newborn as their entertainment and when it ceases to be entertaining after a short period of time, they think they need a new one, like a replacement for a broken toy. And if the first one didn’t entertain you enough that you already had to start working on the next one, what makes you think the second one will be entertaining enough?! And what makes these fools think that additional infants will make life ANY easier? It makes no logical sense at all. Of course, I’m assuming any of these people possess logic, which is unlikely.

I’ve come to believe these women have the mental capacity to see that far in the future. Many of them are just addicted to the pregnancy attention and not so much the motherhood part of the equation. They are bored with the infant because they have lots all the attention they got while pregnant. That’s why they need a new one so quickly. The rest are just “new shit” junkies because they’ve been spoiled their whole lives, and instead of enjoying what they already have, they constantly need something new to feel special and happy.

It’s sick and it’s twisted, and I don’t know why society tolerates this behavior from these crazy, irresponsible women. WHEN are we going to start talking about the fact that the emperor has no clothes and that something needs to be done about the WRONG people continuing to breed for the wrong reasons? WHEN?