An Infertile Raped My Ear

Is there anyone more annoying than infertiles? Okay, screaming, misbehaving kids in every public place we go these days are certainly more annoying. But infertiles are high up on the list of annoying people. I’ve never known anyone who whined more than infertiles!

A couple of years ago someone pointed me to an infertile blogger for some reason. I subscribed to the RSS feed and occasionally read her posts. She sounded fairly intelligent (which is more than I can say about most infertile bloggers) but she is an eternal whiner. There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t whine about! Everyone on the planet hurt her little feelings.

– She’d whine about HOW DARE her relatives or in-laws get pregnant, knowing she so desperately wanted a baby and couldn’t get pregnant. Didn’t they know it would upset her?!!?! How dare they talk about their pregnancies around her!
– She’d whine about how she and her husband both had all kinds of ugly genetic diseases in their families that, if they ever did manage to have a baby, zomg, it might not be perfectly healthy, and she wanted a perfectly healthy baby of her own DNA, damn it!!
– She’d whine about other infertiles who were “lapping” her (having their second kid in fewer years than she’d been trying).
– She’d whine that people who were pregnant would complain about pregnancy and how fucking inconsiderate were they were to not appreciate that they COULD have a baby.
– And of course she hated the childfree because how dare we take our fertility for granted! She felt that we should be the ones cursed with infertility. (Although it wouldn’t be a curse then, would it?)

Of course, I never told her that I believe if you can’t have biological kids naturally, that’s nature’s way of saying your crappy genes should not be reproduced. But I really, really wanted to! (And hey, go ahead and tell me that maybe childfree folks not wanting to reproduce is nature’s way of saying our genes should not be reproduced either. I don’t care. Even if my genes were the fittest they aren’t being reproduced, so it doesn’t matter either way. But if I really wanted to argue with you, I’d point out that making a conscious decision is not the same thing as nature handing you a physical condition trying to keep you out of the gene pool!)

One day last week I was in a waiting area and had the misfortune of being seated next to some dumb cow (I know that’s harsh, but you’ll agree with me in a minute) who wanted to spend her half-hour wait whining about her infertility problems. To strangers. She struck up a conversation with the woman next to her who she clearly had never met before and who was not a fellow infertile. While the victim tried to appear sympathetic, I got the impression she really didn’t care. During the infertile monologue, I couldn’t help but think of comedian Ron White who once said, “This guy told me his entire life story against my will. This guy raped my ear. This guy forcefully shoved unwanted information into my earhole.” That’s how this infertile made me feel!

I have no problems getting pregnant – I can do that any day of the week! I just can’t stay pregnant! You just don’t know how difficult it is, having miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage! I’ve had like twelve already. The doctors say (something about being unable to fix her crappy uterus) but I’ll just keep trying and see if maybe one will stick!

She wouldn’t shut up! Then she started going into the gory details, so I whipped out my headphones to drown out her mooing! All I could think was that she must thrive on martyrdom and sympathy or why else would she put herself through this? And why would she have to tell random strangers about it?! From what I heard before I drowned it out, she won’t be able to carry a baby, but she insists on repeatedly “trying” to see if maybe this time the doctors are wrong, and who would really do that to themselves? Really? That’s like stabbing yourself every day to see if maybe this time it won’t bleed. What a fool this woman is! Even IF I could understand the desperate need to have a kid (I’m trying) if the doctors have told you that your uterus won’t do it, TRY SOMETHING ELSE!

Hell, where is the pro-life movement now? This woman is intentionally creating people that she knows WILL BE ABORTED and they don’t have a problem with it? Or do they just think it’s GOD’S WILL that she continue to do this so she’ll have a sob story to tell everyone and an excuse to not go out and get a job like other grown-ups?! “Oh, I can’t work. I might miscarry!” Bitch, you’re gonna miscarry anyway! The doctor’s told you so!

Then yesterday I was reading an amusing (but somewhat horrifying) article online about how miserable pregnancy is, and some infertile had to throw in her sarcastic whine in the comments section. Something along the lines of, “Well, don’t ever be infertile and then whine when you’re pregnant or how the baby keeps you up at night, as everyone will throw in your face that ‘you wanted this!!’


Even when they get pregnant and have a baby, they are STILL whining!!! And they are whining about other people getting fed up with their incessant whining!!

Listen, if you so desperately want a baby that you go to any length to have one, you don’t really have an excuse to later complain if it’s not all worth it! You just don’t! If it sucks that bad, WHY did you go through all that? Why didn’t you just adopt to avoid pregnancy and that first year when the kid won’t sleep through the night? It’s bad enough when non-infertiles whine about their pregnancies and their kids, but when infertiles do it, it just seems that much more ridiculous. Don’t go through all that if you won’t enjoy it!

Honestly, is there anything they won’t whine about?

The moral of this story is, clearly, avoid infertile blogs but more importantly, carry headphones with you wherever you go so you can not be ear raped by infertiles. Just a tip.

How about this: Don’t Bother

Another one from Australia:

How to stay friends with parents

I won’t quote the whole article, but I’ll show you a chunk of it. Take a gander:

Here’s my five rules for dealing with friends who are parents.

Rule 1: 5pm to 7:30pm is never a good time to call. And if you want to drop around be prepared to be ignored for at least some of that time. During these hourse I need to get two children fed, bathed, dressed in their pyjamas, read them a story and get them to sleep. It’s not easy and it’s no time for chatting. Parents call this time the “witching hours” when even the best behaved children can turn into attention seeking monsters who cry at the drop of a hat because they are tired and hungry.

Rule 2: If you are organising a party please don’t be dissapointed if only one parent turns up, particularly if the event is at night time. Babysitting is expensive, can’t be organised at the last minute and sometimes it’s just too hard.

Rule 3: Fancy restaurants and children never mix. I’ve lost count of the times our family has been invited out with the line: “We’d love to see the kids” but the venue chosen is entirely inappropriate. We did try it once. It was a disaster. We took turns taking CJ for walks outside and cruising the hallway. Never again. If you want to see the kids and have them behave, then it’s always better to discuss the venue with parents to ensure it’s age appropriate. Otherwise you may end up back in Rule 2 – only one of us can come.

Rule 4: 9:30 to 10pm is my bedtime. Don’t phone me after that, I won’t answer. If you have invited me out for drinks and I’ve made the effort to come, I will probably stay later than 9:30 but I get really tired and I’m not really up for 2am dancing because I have to be up with the kids at 6am. I will pike out early. Don’t call me names, just be grateful that I managed to come at all.

Rule 5: If I don’t call you back don’t take offence. It’s most likely because you broke rule 1 or rule 4, not because I don’t like you. Parents forget things a lot. Just call me and remind me that you called.

That’s all fine and dandy, but if you’re going to be so uptight and demanding, why not simplify this for everyone and make just one rule:

Rule 1: Don’t bother dealing with friends who are parents.

Problem solved.