About Phoena

I’m a mediocre, 30-something, childfree woman. I’m overopinionated and say a lot of things that offend other people. Sometimes I even say things JUST to offend other people. As long as I’m at it, I might as well have some fun along the way, right?

The only interesting thing about me is that I run a childfree website that a lot of people take way more seriously than I do.

Here’s all you really need to know about me: I’m a pretty laid-back person. I live my life to have fun and have a lot of laughs. I would also like to live in a world where people are polite and considerate of others and take responsibility for themselves, their children and their own actions. That’s all – I’m not asking that much! If you see something I wrote here that you find personally upsetting, it’s probably because I called you out on your irresponsibility and excuse making.

Nowhere on this site do I say I that ALL parents or ALL kids are bad. If someone told you that, they are lying. Before you accuse me of something, find proof that I said it.

About this Site

Dos and Don’ts about this website and this journal specifically:

Don’t expect this site to be all politically correct. If you are some easily-offended cry-baby who is going to think things I say are too harsh, this isn’t the journal for you. Go hang out on the playground and leave this site to the grown-ups. Thank you!

Don’t take anything I write too seriously. I sure as fuck don’t. At worst, it’s my actual opinion which means exactly jack shit in the grand scheme of things. At best, I’m joking, embellishing and generally being sarcastic because it amuses me. Sometimes I even throw in little barbs (like about “band geeks”) just to tease people, but I’m not really serious. I’m just having some fun. So either way, getting worked up over anything I write makes you look pretty damn silly and I’ll mock you for it.

Do become a fan of Happily Childfree on Facebook if you use Facebook. Not because I’m desperate for fans or anything, but because sometimes I post links or updates there that I don’t post here, just because it’s easier, and I don’t want you to miss out. Also, you’ll be notified of blog updates right in your Facebook feed.

Don’t claim that breeders (or whatever other group you want to defend) is just as persecuted as African Americans or that any insulting word is just as bad as the N-word. This will piss me off. Calling someone out on their BEHAVIOR is not the same as insulting someone based on their skin color and enslaving them for hundreds of years and then lynching them for the next hundred, m’kay? Seriously, don’t be so fucking stupid.

Don’t expect me to post as much new content here as most bloggers do. You’ll be lucky to hear from me once a month. I just don’t seem to have the time, partially due to my incredibly poor time management skills.

Don’t ask me to add some code to let people subscribe to comments. I’ve decided against that for now. I’ve heard that can cause some issues (like AOL addresses bouncing and causing problems). I don’t even get that many comments, anyway, so I don’t think it’s worth it. I’m sure there is a way to subscribe to the RSS comments feed, but I’m not telling. The last thing I need is some angry breeder woman subscribing to every thread and coming to argue with anyone who comments.

Do post a comment if you’d like. I may actually respond to your comment, although I probably won’t — again, poor time management skills.

Do email me if you want a personal reply. My email address is easy to guess. I’ll give you a hint. My name is Phoena (careful of the spelling) and this site is called happilychildfree.com. If you can’t figure it out from that, I give up! I might take a couple of weeks to reply (I usually like to answer a bunch of feedback all at once) so don’t give up on me!

How Do I Get On Your “Blogs I Read” list?

I add people to that list whose blogs I actually read. If you want to recommend a blog to me, I’ll check it out, but if I don’t see it as the kind of blog I’d read regularly, I won’t add it to this list. But if it’s a blog written by a childfree person, even if it’s not about childfree topics, I will contact the owner (if it’s not you) and see if they would like to be added to the list I have here.

How Do I Get Off Your “Blogs I Read” list?

Just email me and say you would prefer not to be on that list. I can imagine not everyone wants traffic from this site!

The Rules

Here are the rules for everyone. Break the rules, and I may delete your post(s) or worse. I hate censorship and I don’t like deleting comments, but I also hate the journal being clogged up with the following bullshit:

  1. I’m opening up comments again so you don’t have to be a registered user to comment. If you want to reserve your favorite username, though, you should still register. I will leave comments open as long as I’m not getting tons of spam or trolls.
  2. You may reply to older posts, no matter how old they are. I don’t have a problem with that. Enjoy!
  3. If you want to post, you must be over 18 years old, as I don’t want some mommy bitching to me about corrupting her baby. I don’t have a way to verify it, but if I find out you’re under 18, I’ll ban you.
  4. Reply to the rant you are commenting to. This means, don’t reply about mommies making bad friends in the thread about mother’s day. Use some common sense! This is a pet peeve of mine because if you comment about things no one else in that thread is talking about it not only leads the thread astray, but it makes it look like I deleted some comment prior to yours that you were responding to.
  5. Be friendly with each other. You’re allowed to disagree and debate, but don’t stoop to name calling or insults. I don’t want to have to moderate a fight between people who should be grown adults. Clarification of this rule: You can use insulting WORDS (such as: “I hate it when assholes (do whatever)”, but don’t reply to another poster and call them an asshole. Got it? Meanwhile, you can call ME any name you like, just make it good. I need some new descriptive words to describe myself.
  6. Don’t even joke about violence against kids. Even if we all know you’re joking, I’m the one who ends up having to field all the complaints from crybaby mommies telling me my site is evil for organizing plans to kill children. I don’t need that crap.
  7. If you are semi-illiterate and can’t manage to form complete sentences, don’t bother posting here. I have no patience for this teen-lingo crap and it gives me a headache trying to figure out what is being written. If you are so dumb you need an example of what I won’t tolerate, it’s this shit: “hy my naim is Kait I m dum I dint finsh th 3nd graid.” I don’t have time for that bullshit.
  8. Don’t put links in your comment. If you do, the spam zapper might think it’s spam and it won’t get through. If the spam zapper misses it, I’ve been known to have a trigger finger and delete comments with links in them before I realized they weren’t spam. Oops.
  9. In case you missed that last rule, let me be even more specific: DO NOT link to mommy bloggers or mommy message boards. If you do, someone will run and tattle to them, and then they’ll all come back here and claim we’re harassing them and it becomes a whole mess. Mommy bloggers have nothing better to do all day than to have internet flame wars because they don’t have jobs. We really don’t want them spending 18 hours a day trolling our websites, okay?
  10. Don’t expect me to answer all the comments. I have poor time management skills and the people who send me emails are lucky to get answers. I might occasionally answer comments here, but most of the time I don’t get around to it. Sorry!
  11. I do allow parents to post here. Some of them are my friends. I appreciate a parent’s perspective occasionally. Don’t get too pissy at the parents unless they are being assholes.
  12. New Rule (October 2009): This is a personal pet peeve of mine. Since such a large portion of the general public now claims to be autistic or otherwise mentally ill and/or have autistic or mentally ill children, it’s no longer “special”. It’s now NORMAL. So I don’t want to hear it anymore. I don’t care if you or your kid is “special needs” — so is everyone else and their kids, it seems. So make your point without using the excuses and sympathy cards, m’kay? (It’s like the idiots who live in a military town and plaster their cars with “I’m an Iraqi Freedom Veteran” stickers. No shit, so is everyone else in town! You’re not special!!)

Additional rules for parents and wannabreeders:

  1. The above rules apply to you as well.
  2. If you act like a troll, your posts will be deleted. I don’t have time for trolls. Troll posts are pointless posts just to flame, especially if you make repeated posts just to flame, then come back a few hours later and make more pointless posts to flame. If you want to discuss, play nice and we might discuss issues. If you just want to hurl insults, save it for your spouse and/or kids. And don’t act all holier-than-thou about how I’m a bitch daring to delete troll posts — I’ve allowed far more dissenting opinions here than you mommies would on your boards or blogs. You certainly wouldn’t let me join on your boards and flame you, so just be glad that, unlike you, I allow contrary opinions here at all.
  3. Don’t harass my regular readers. They belong here, you don’t.
  4. If you start accusing me of saying stuff I didn’t say on my site, I’ll delete your post(s). Actually READ the site instead of taking the word of your bimbo friends. Yes, I know some teen mommy from Xanga told all three of her friends that my site said that breastfeeding should be illegal and asked them to harass me and tell their friends to harass me. But that Xanga mommy a liar, and you won’t find what she claims I said anywhere on my site. If you and your friends are going to lie about what my site says, I’ll just delete your posts, because there is no point to try and discuss anything with a bunch of idiots who didn’t even read my site.
  5. I don’t encourage parents to post, but if you do, don’t bring up your childed status or your children unless it’s really relevant to your point. Posts like, “As a parent, I think…” are annoying. Just tell us what you think and leave your reproductive status out of it. You are allowed to have opinions whether or not you have children, you know!
  6. For the love of all that is holy, do not identify yourself as a parent in your user name. If you have no identity outside of your kids, you’re the exact kind of person we don’t want posting here. We will mock you. It’s pathetic when even you think your only accomplishment in life is spreading your legs.
  7. Do not use this site as an excuse to neglect your kids. If we want to spend all day hanging out here, what’s the difference? If you spend all day here, you’re a bad parent. Why have kids if you’d rather spend time with the childfree than your kids?

Rules updated: May 18, 2008

Paging Maury Pauvich

From PostSecret:

In case you have trouble reading the photo, it says:

One of these men is the father of the most amazing little girl in the world. He’s never met her, he never will. He probably can’t even remember my name.

Maybe, just maybe, if you didn’t sleep with seven different guys in the same week, perhaps you’d know which of these men was the baby-daddy and maybe the baby-daddy would know your name and know his most amazing little girl in the world! Sounds like the amazing little girl is getting cheated out of a relationship with her amazing father, since apparently she got her amazingness from someone, and I don’t suppose it’s from her professional mattress-back of a mother!

This post card is the perfect advertisement for that Norplant dart gun I suggested a while back!

(Yea, I know, I know. It’s a fake secret — some lame harry-potter-wannabee just WISHES she could get someone famous to fuck her. But I couldn’t resist mocking it anyway, since there are women who have these types of problems! And I found it amusing.)

New Baby Is Just Not Enough

I absolutely cannot understand the instant gratification and never-satisfied attitudes of the current generation coming of age. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised — they are the same kids I have been complaining about for 15 years and they’ve grown into the very overgrown, spoiled brats I thought they would become. Still, I’d been holding out hope all along that I was wrong.

I’ve seen these kids open up their Christmas presents, getting all the loot they had demanded – a new xbox with all the accessories, $200 worth of games, a brand new cell phone with all the latest bells and whistles, and the newest, greatest iPod on the market – only to turn around 20 minutes later and whine, “Can we go shopping? I’m bored and I need new stuff.” I would be thinking, “Wait, you haven’t even finished playing with $1000 worth of loot you JUST got. How can you already be wanting something new?” Yet this is the prevailing attitude of this generation. “Give me what I want, when I want it and I’ll be bored with it right away, but so what? That’s my right!!

As if that isn’t bad enough, I’m seeing this trend of boredom with their own children. I’ve seen this a fair amount lately and it blows my mind: They will have a baby, and when it is just a few months old, they are already whining about how they need a NEW baby. Apparently this one they have isn’t good enough.

I suppose I could maybe understand if the child is now three years old and the mommy is missing the newborn stage and thinks it’s time for a second baby. Fine, I suppose I can see that happening. But what the fuck is wrong with these gals who look down at their newborn infant and say, “Eh, you’re not entertaining me enough. I’m ready for a new one already“?!!?!

To these parents I say: If the current newborn in your arms is not filling the hole inside you, here’s a clue: You need to find some other way to fill that hole! Don’t keep creating human beings trying to fix some mess going on in your head. Besides, if the first baby leaves you feeling empty, then maybe you’re just fucking empty. Another kid ain’t gonna fix it.

Dr Phil is a quack, but I love when he says, “No child should come into this world with a job,” he’s absolutely right. We’re all PEOPLE not just toys for some bimbo to use to entertain herself, to get sympathy, attention and to give her an excuse to not work or get an education or do anything with her life. If her entire life’s purpose is to create people as some kind of sick “get out of work free” card, someone needs to spay her like they would any other dumb animal in heat who pointlessly reproduces!

Honestly, I cannot understood these people who want more than two kids. I’m open minded enough to understand why some people might enjoy parenthood. I can sort of comprehend wanting a couple of kids. After that, what is going on in their heads? Are they thinking each additional kid will finally be the one they’ve been “shooting” for? What is wrong with the kids they already have that they can’t be satisfied with them? What do they think the third (or fourth, or eight or twentieth) kid will magically give them that they couldn’t find in the others?

But clearly, there is something not right about someone who sees their newborn as their entertainment and when it ceases to be entertaining after a short period of time, they think they need a new one, like a replacement for a broken toy. And if the first one didn’t entertain you enough that you already had to start working on the next one, what makes you think the second one will be entertaining enough?! And what makes these fools think that additional infants will make life ANY easier? It makes no logical sense at all. Of course, I’m assuming any of these people possess logic, which is unlikely.

I’ve come to believe these women have the mental capacity to see that far in the future. Many of them are just addicted to the pregnancy attention and not so much the motherhood part of the equation. They are bored with the infant because they have lots all the attention they got while pregnant. That’s why they need a new one so quickly. The rest are just “new shit” junkies because they’ve been spoiled their whole lives, and instead of enjoying what they already have, they constantly need something new to feel special and happy.

It’s sick and it’s twisted, and I don’t know why society tolerates this behavior from these crazy, irresponsible women. WHEN are we going to start talking about the fact that the emperor has no clothes and that something needs to be done about the WRONG people continuing to breed for the wrong reasons? WHEN?

All Natural Bullshit

I cringe every time I hear some bimbo mommy justifying her stupidity and crap parenting by suggesting that it’s “all natural.” I’m not just talking about breastfeeding “natural” argument, but about a whole slew of other stupid behaviors I’ve heard mommies justify lately with this “natural” bullshit.


  • Co-sleeping – well that’s how the animal kingdom does it!
  • Attachment parenting — holding their baby 24/7 because it’s “natural” and it’s what (some) animals do.
  • Not using birth control — because the animal kingdom doesn’t use birth control and clearly the animal kingdom isn’t overpopulated (apparently they haven’t talked to the overflowing animal shelters recently).
  • Refusing to go back to work after the kids are born – because the animal kingdom doesn’t go off to work and leave the kids – seriously, I heard this excuse lately.
  • Letting their kids run wild – it’s natural to let them be high spirited. The animals don’t tell their kids to sit calmly and quietly all the time!


There was at least one other I was thinking about earlier, but damn if I can’t remember it. I’m sure one of you can help me out.

All right, I’ll play. I love this game! Listen up, folks!

If you want to be ALL NATURAL, here are some more tips on how to be like the animal kingdom:


  • Stop wearing clothes. It’s not natural. Animals don’t do it.
  • Have sex and masturbate in public. It’s the natural, animal kingdom way.
  • No more need for indoor plumbing. Animals shit anywhere and everywhere and you should, too, or you’re not being natural. And lick yourself clean or go swim in a lake rather than waste water on baths or showers. That’s the natural way of things!
  • No more fast food or shopping in grocery stores! Catch your own food and eat it raw. That’s the natural way. I’m pretty sure gardening is out – animals don’t do that.
  • Electricity is out, and that includes the DVD player you set your kids in front of all day, and your computer you play facebook games on – it’s not natural – you won’t see animals in the wild using computers!!
  • Get rid of your cell phone and find other ways to ignore your kids. Animals don’t use them.
  • Get rid of your car. It’s not natural and animals don’t use them. Start getting some fucking exercise!
  • Hell, get rid of your house. Do you see wild animals living in houses? Nope. Houses are not natural. Go live in a cave or burrow underground like the animals do.
  • Go ahead and kill anyone you want and then eat them. This is how it works in the animal kingdom. There are no laws and no prisons, so you can get away with it! It’s the natural order of things!
  • No more modern medicine or fertility treatments. It’s not natural! It’s not the way animals do things!
  • Some animals eat their young. GO FOR IT.
  • Animals don’t feel sorry for themselves, so no more whining, ever. About anything. It’s not natural.


I could go on, but I’m sure you can run with it yourselves.

Honestly, these bimbos don’t seem to realize that as humans, we’re SUPPOSED to be more highly evolved than animals. We’re not supposed to try to emulate animals. The thing is, they don’t want to live like animals – they want all their modern conveniences while using the “animal kingdom” and “all natural” excuses at random to justify whatever they do or don’t feel like doing. You know, like hard, parenting stuff.

I don’t really give a shit if some woman wants to hold her kid 24/7 and have him hanging off her tit the whole time. I think it’s incredibly misogynistic, and I pity her for not realizing that she’s being enslaved by a patriarchal society and culture that is so threatened by women they are brainwashing them to believe they are nothing but receptacles to produce offspring (particularly male offspring) and be chained to that offspring and be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen so they doesn’t get any “uppity ideas” and threaten the men’s freedoms. Yet if she wants to do it, FINE. But a) stop being so desperately insecure that you need to try and justify your crap behavior to anyone and b) find some better way to justify it than “oh, we need to behave more like animals” because that’s pure and utter bullshit!

If you like being a pawn of patriarchy and you don’t want to have to do anything with your life, fine, just say that. If you are just too lazy to discipline your children, why not admit it? No one respects you anyway, so no need to waste time saving face! Just be your silly, insipid little self who can’t handle anything more intellectually challenging than changing a diaper occasionally and shut the fuck up.