Weird Family Decals

  • Simon
  • December 9, 2016
  • 0

I’m not so much for decorating my car, so I don’t exactly understand why other people do. I mean, if I have to be bored in traffic, I think everyone else should be, too! I’m not going to provide you people with free entertainment while driving. Apparently that’s what your cell phones are for!

I think the weirdest thing people do is put those family decals on their cars, but apparently it’s the latest fad since yellow ribbon magnets went out of style. Who said people didn’t have children as some kind of fashion accessories? Now they are not only fashion accessories everywhere mommy goes, but fashion accessories for her mini-van or SUV, too!

Usually these dumb decals show Dad, Mom, two soccer kids and a baby, plus maybe a dog and/or a cat. So a family decal I saw on a car recently really cracked me up at it’s absurdity. It looked something like this:

Just in case you can’t see the image, it is a family decal depicting a dad, a mom, another dad, and two kids. We weren’t mistaken – the second dad wasn’t just a tall kid — it was the same image as the first dad, so apparently they were both adult males.

My husband and I have been speculating (and laughing) about what possible message this kooky family was supposed to be telling us. Maybe you can help me figure it out.

What do you think this supposed to mean?

  1. The two men in the decal were the two potential baby-daddies and this family can’t afford the DNA test (they had to spend all their money on back-to-school supplies and car decals!) and are still on the Mauryshow waiting list.)
  2. The first dad is the first kid’s father, and the second dad is the second kid’s father, but someone’s feelings might have been hurt if their dad’s picture wasn’t part of the family decal.
  3. This is one of those reverse-Mormon families, where the gal has two “husbands” (They’re trying out for a new show called Brother Husbands!) and the three of them are raising a couple of kids that, hopefully, belong to one or more of the adults involved.
  4. The second “dad” is their adult son that still lives on their sofa (and probably always will) and apparently they are proud of that.
  5. This decal depicts a Grandma and Grandpa with their grown son who still lives on their sofa (and probably always will) and his two children who visit one weekend a month, but no one wanted to hurt their feelings by not including them in the family decal.
  6. The first “dad” is Grandpa living with his daughter, her husband and their two kids. It’s like the final episode of King of Queens! (Oops, spoiler!)
  7. A gay couple, their two adopted kids and the “beard” that pretends to be the wife of one of them so that they don’t get kicked out of the Army.
  8. Someone just making a mockery of those stupid family decals.
  9. Something else entirely. (Share your interpretation with me. I’d love to hear it.)

You think that decal was weird? I’ve seen even weirder. I probably shouldn’t mention this, as it might creep you out a bit, but I once saw a window kinda like this:

If you can’t see this image, it’s two big fish and a whole bunch of little fish. No, it wasn’t the Duggar family. In this case, at least half of the little fish had halos over their heads. Apparently, this family is a death trap for children. Where are the pro-lifers now, huh?

So what the hell does this one mean?

  1. Co-sleepers.
  2. Cheap frequent flyers.
  3. People who “forget” their children in hot cars.
  4. Crappy drivers who keep getting into accidents and losing kids that way. (The person was driving pretty crappy.)
  5. Too much inbreeding and most of the kids were born with severe disabilities and didn’t make it. And these inbred hicks are PROUD of it, too!
  6. It’s a throwback to WWII when pilots would put the number of planes they shot down on the side of their plane. In this case, they mark the people they have run over with their car; halos mark the ones they got good!
  7. Obviously these are religious nuts, so maybe they were intentionally sending their babies to see Jesus. Some of those weird cults have weird ideas you know. Six down, three to go!
  8. Folks bragging about the number of abortions they’ve had to annoy pro-lifers and challenge the rest of us to catch up.
  9. Someone just making a mockery of those stupid family decals.
  10. Something else entirely. (Share your interpretation with me. I’d love to hear it.)

I’m SO tempted to start carrying a tube of bright red lipstick with me in case I ever see that particular car again so I can write “SERIAL KILLERS!!” on the back of it to alert the cops. Look, we have their signed confession on the back of their car! WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED? Obviously the cops aren’t pro-life or they’d be more concerned about this!

At this point, I’m thinking I want my own family decal on the back of my car and make it as ridiculous as possible just for fun, just to mock these damn decals. Any suggestions? I know you all are very creative!

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